Turning Darkside
by ebbtide
Summary: **Warning: RAPE, EMOTIONAL TORTURE, WINCEST, INCEST, IT'S INTENSE PEOPLE.*** Sam and Dean have to deal with a demon. Sam is possessed. Dean is at the demon's mercy. Bella makes an appearance.
1. Chapter 1

Turning Darkside (Inspired by Danny)

Ebbtide Cheque Tina c.

WARNING: **CONTAINS SCENES OF NC-17 OR HIGHER. RAPE, TORTURE, INCEST & WINCEST. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Sam looked up, his soulless eyes staring Dean against the wall. The elder Winchester fought against the gaze, the power behind it, but it was useless. He was trapped.

"Come on, Sammy! This isn't you!" He shouted, pushing against the invisible bonds holding him up against the motel wall. A desperation entered his voice. "It's not you."

Sam stood up and took a step towards his brother, a smirk twisting his face into a dark version of himself. "No? Then who is it, Dean? A demon…I am a demon."

The eyes blinked. Familiar color exchanged for the pure black.

"You see." Sam's voice is normal, no deep, dark fluctuations. It's almost a playful, sarcastic tone. "I am a demon. I am Sam."

Dean closed his eyes, willing his brain not to have heard or seen any the last ten seconds. Just a dream, he repeats to himself. An awful, horrible dream that I'll wake up from and Sam will be okay.

"You should have killed me, like Dad told you to." Sam smiled, showing his teeth. "You could have saved me from this, Dean."

Eyes still closed, the older man kept an internal monologue going, insisting to himself that this was not Sam. Never would this be his Sammy - his jaded little brother. This was a monster. A cruel, hateful shell of a being.

"You're not him." Dean forced between gasps for air. His lungs felt on fire as the force holding him against the wall squeezed tighter around him.

"I'm not?" The dark haired man laughed. "Of course I am!"

Panting now, Dean forces his body to respond. His arm feels like it weighs tons as he lifts it inch by shaking inch from the wall. He points at Sam.

"You're a demon, you bitch! Get out of my brother or I swear that I will kill you."

Sam's head cocks to one side and he tsks lightly under his breath. "What happened to all that brotherly love?" He flinched a finger forward and Dean's arm was slammed painfully against the wall, the shattering sound of bones breaking. "You really should learn to appreciate me, big brother."

"You aren't Sam!" Dean screamed, needing it to be the truth.

Black eyes blink back into existence. "Yes, I am. I've always been here, inside of him, just now he knows it."

"I don't believe you." Dean shook his head.

Sam shrugged, running his tongue over his lips. "It doesn't matter. Sam has been waiting a long time for this." He moved forward, closer to his helpless, older brother. "He's been waiting too long."

"What are you talking about?" Dean paled at the hungry look focused on his body. "Sam?"

"He wants you, Dean." The dark voice announces with a low, rumbling chuckle. "Wants you so bad."

Dean cannot stand to hear these words, their disturbed meaning only too obvious, and he turns his head away. This is not his brother - and there's no way in HELL this is a dream. He swallows hard at the realization that he will not be waking up.

He hears Sam come closer - or whatever is possessing his body - and then there are invasive touches to his body. The zipper on his jeans is forced down with a jerk. He freezes, his body going cold. There is no way that his younger brother is going to rape him. Dean bites his lip and prays, to a god he doesn't know, for deliverance. Not for himself, but for Sammy. Hands are touching him now.

There's no denying his body's response to certain sensations, he feels bile rise in his throat.

"Stop it." He pleads with the demented, sex-crazed body that is NOT his brother. "Please, stop."

Kisses rain down, butterfly soft, on his neck. His shirt is torn off in one swift movement followed by more kisses across his chest, touches ranging down his torso. He feels nothing except cold detachment. This is not Sam - but somewhere inside this monster his brother is being forced to watch, participate in a way. Dean aches for his brother's innocence…to rewind the day. How could he have not noticed something amiss? How long had Sam been possessed? It was all his fault, he had let this happen. Lowered his defenses too far at the wrong moment. Now they would both pay the price.

"Not - going - to - stop. Sam - wants this." The taller man gasped between frantic moans and touches.

Dean knew, without doubt or uncertainty, that his younger brother wanted nothing to do with these actions. It was all the made-up fantasy of some psycho-demon. He refused to believe differently.

The end, when it finally came, was anti-climatic and definitely more powerful for the attacker. Dean let his body react, but it meant nothing to him. He kept his eyes closed, mind shut off to what was happening to him. It was degrading, humiliating, frightening and most of all terrifying. It scared him to know that Sam would have to live with those memories. Two people were raped in that one act. He tried to stop the tears, but one snaked it's way down his face. He felt Sam's body get closer again and then a kiss was drying the tear from his neck.

"Ah, bitter-sweet." The dark voice emphasized the 'sweet'.

"Go to hell, you evil son-of-a-bitch." Dean bit out, voice thick with reigned in emotion. "I'm going to make you burn, bitch."

"Promises, promises." Sam laughed, tracing a finger up and down Dean's bare chest.

"You're not Sam." Dean said forcefully. "And I am going to get you out of him."

Sam pushed back from the wall and studied Dean with a soft smile. "Oh, yeah? How?"

There was no answer to that baiting question. Dean's eyebrows lowered in anger at the helplessness he felt. He couldn't even reach down to zip up his own damn pants. A growl escaped between clenched teeth.

"Oooh." Sam laughed. "Better watch it, Dean. Sam may want you, but I would much rather kill you."

"Take your best shot, you bastard." Dean spit out.

Sam shook his finger. "No. Not yet, anyway. I'm a part of Sam…I AM Sam, just a piece of his soul that's been left dormant far too long. I've looked out, when he thinks of you - when he dreams of you. Now I'm free and I don't think I'm ready to kill you just yet."

Sam turned and walked over to the bed.

CHAPTER TWO

Sam Winchester retreated further into his mind, numb from the images he had been forced to watch and the sensations that had made their way through the haze to where his consciousness was stuck. Exhaustion threatened to send him into darkness, but he fought against it with all his might. It had been so emotionally draining to watch the attack. Sam wanted to kill the demon possessing him.

Dean was slouched against the wall, having been released from the death-hold that had kept him standing during the abuse. Sam could see the closed-off expression on his brother face and knew that it was hiding a pain so deep Dean had to deny it. Sam knew that it was all his fault.

The demon had possessed him outside a local gas station two days before. Sam had spent every moment of those three long days fighting against the presence. To no avail. He was still trapped inside his own mind and now Dean had paid the price.

Sam wanted to die.

What his body had done to Dean - and those awful lies the demon had said - were too much. How could Dean ever forgive him? Assuming the elder Winchester survived long enough for Sam to find a way out.

CHAPTER THREE

Dean sat against the wall, his heart thudding painfully against his chest in a quick rhythm. He watched as Sam lay on the closest hotel bed, temporarily sated. It could not have really been Sam. Dean knew that it had to be a demon possession. He would never believe that his younger brother had just willingly raped him.

"You're going to rot in hell, bitch." Dean spat, his voice breaking even as he tried to hide his weakness. "For what you did to Sam."

The younger man smirked and brushed a long, dark bang out of his face. He rolled onto his side, leaning on one elbow so that he could stare down at Dean with those demon-black eyes. Obsidian orbs with no soul. The smirk grew and a low chuckle followed.

"I am Sam. When are you going to accept that, Dean?"

"My ass." Dean denied angrily. "You aren't him."

"Hmmm." Sam flopped back against the pillows, closing his eyes and relaxing his tall, lanky body. "We'll see…"

Panic gripped Dean and he swallowed. How was he going to get out of this one? No one knew where they were, not even Bobby and there was no back-up. Sam needed saving and Dean felt helpless. He had to think of something.

"Don't try anything, brother." Sam said, as if reading Dean's mind, opening one eye for a moment to glare at the elder Winchester. "I'm not in the mood." The eye snapped closed.

CHAPTER FOUR

Sam listened to the exchange with growing fury. His fears were being replaced quickly by an anger that threatened to burst through the veil between his mental prison and his body. There had to be a way to access his powers - to use them to free both his brother and himself. Only one thing stopped him from trying to access those powers. They were dark, demon-spawned and maybe this demon was right. Maybe there really was a darkness stuck inside of him and the last thing Dean would want him to do would be to unleash that darkness. Not even for the right reasons. Sam settled back and tried to control his rage so that he could think. There had to be a way out of this mess.

He could no longer see his brother, but he knew that their captor's senses were on high alert. Dean wouldn't be able to take a breath without the demon knowing.

CHAPTER FIVE

Dean settled back for a long wait as he tried to think of a way out of this impossibly screwed up situation. He could kick himself. All of this mess was his fault. He was the oldest, he should have known that there was something wrong. He could have stopped this all before it got so out of hand…before they were both destroyed.

CHAPTER SIX

Bela strolled casually down the sidewalk leading off to hotel rooms. Her green eyes were fixed on the black chevy Impala at the end of the lot. A sneer made it's way onto her face as she thought about what it must be like to drive in that thing. It was ugly and probably filled with empty soda bottles and food wrappers, if she knew the Winchester boys.

They had some payback coming, after that little business with the rabbit's foot and she would see that they got it. The sneer was replaced by a genuine smile. She was going to enjoy humiliating them.


	2. Chapter 2

Bela pulled out her gun, letting the weight settle in her hands. She pressed her body against the hotel room door. She knew this was the Winchester's room and she was ready to scare the living hell out of them both before offering to give them the chance of a lifetime. The nearby Native American cemetery held rare and powerful artifacts that she wanted. The boys would only know about the ghosts that resided there though - haunting those who came to visit the graves of loved ones. The Winchesters wouldn't be able to resist a goody-two-shoes mission when it was staring down the barrel of a gun at them with a grin and a British accent.

She released one hand from the gun grip and silently circled it around the doorknob. Her heart began to race as she prepared to pounce. The Huntress swung the door open wide, her gun aimed and that is when she saw Dean.

Sam was on his feet before she had a chance to react, his coal black eyes telling the woman all that she needed to know. Dean was leaning against the wall, his face pale and drawn. The haunted look in his eyes was glimpsed for a single moment before Bela refused to let herself see anything but the demon standing at the foot of the bed. She had to destroy it before it had a chance to kill her, Bela wasn't ready to give in yet. She still had years left to live.

Her gun fired seemingly by itself and the woman found herself skillfully evading the force of Sam's outstretched hand instinctively. She ducked, rolled forward into the room and came up shooting, her gun aimed at the heart.

"Sam! No!" Dean's voice was raw. "Don't shoot him! Stop!"

His yells were drown out by gunfire before a deafening click betrayed a sudden lack of ammunition. Bela's icy gaze drilled through Sam as if willing more bullet holes to form in the ripped, blood soaked shirt. Sam grinned, his face twisting into a mask of complete amusement.

"Hahaha." The laugh was too dull to be faked. "Here I thought you were smarter than these two oafs." The demon spoke sweetly with Sam's voice. "Now I'm disappointed." He cocked his head to one side. "Do you know what I do with disappointments?"

"Drown in them?" Bela suggested with an upraised eyebrow, her bravado the only weapon left.

"Of course not." A real chuckle rumbled in the man's chest. "I stamp them out of existence."

"Not - Doing a very good job there - are you?" Dean spoke up through gasps as he tried to push past the invisible barrier keeping him against the wall. It gave way an inch and hope surged through the Hunter's veins.

Sam glared at him, midnight eyes doing all the talking. A vise-like grip started around Dean's throat.

___

"No!"

Sam watched this all through his bodies eyes, but felt none of the sensations. He was cut off from any kind of physical control of the body he had been born to. The Hunter in him wanted to search for weapons, use his mind to fight, anything to save his brother's life. The intellectual in him knew better. John Winchester had fought past a demon's control, but he had experienced a life-time that Sam had not. Whatever had given his father the strength to fight against the Yellow Eyed Demon was not harbored within Sam's heart. At least, that is what he told himself after numerous attempts to escape his mental bondage.

The cell of his mind was impenetrable.

_____

"If you do not leave that body right now I will have to force you out." Bela's voice trembled as the last word passed over her lips.

The fingers of her right hand curled towards her wrist where she kept a hidden pouch in the lining of her coat sleeve. She moved slowly, keeping her entire being focused on Sam so that he would not suspect. The woman felt the familiar, soft material in her hand and then she threw it straight at Sam's chest. There was no way to miss at that short a distance.

A brilliant white light filled the room and when it receded Sam was on the ground, unconscious. Dean felt his body suddenly grow lighter and he slumped forward, crawling on his hands and knees to his brother's side.

"Sam! Sam, Sam." He shook the limp form. "Help me get him on the bed."

___

Bela took one of Sam's arms while Dean took the other and together they maneuvered the tall Hunter onto the bed. It did not take more than studious glance around the room for the Huntress to figure out what had taken place. She decidedly ignored the Dean's unzipped pants and open shirt. He had enough things to deal with and she felt a kind of protectiveness fall over her in a cloud as she gazed at his intense green eyes.

Dean Winchester was checking his brother to make sure that he was still breathing. The bullet holes were all gone, but the rips in the shirt and the bloodstains remained. Dean ran a hand through his short cropped blond hair, biting his lip as he tried to focus on the present and forget that the last day ever happened.

But there would be no forgetting because his brother would also hold that memory. Forever.

Dean did not feel the tear that Bela watched slip down his cheek to bead hesitantly on his chin before splashing against Sam's pale skin.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean stood guard over his brother's body, arms crossed over his chest, knees shaking uncontrollably.

"Sit down before you fall." Bela instructed pointing towards a chair.

The man shook his head, the dark circles under his eyes seemed to grow even more shadowed as the woman watched him. The Hunter was obviously dead on his feet, drained from whatever horrors he had been forced to endure at the hands of the demon. A maternal instinct that she prided herself in quailing at every opportunity had been let loose after a glimpse into Dean's green eyes. The shattered gaze had quickly been replaced with suspicion, but for the moment the man seemed to realize that he needed help.

Bela wanted to speak up about or at least motion towards the pants that were starting to droop down over one of Dean's hips. She could tell that he was in a state of shock, something all Hunters came to know well, but this was the first time she had been faced with actually caring about whether someone survived that harsh physical reaction.

She came to stand beside him and maneuvered a chair behind him with one hand. She put the other hand on his shoulder and pushed downward. The man's legs buckled under him and he fell into a disgraceful lump on the chair.

"I should have been able to stop this." Dean's lips barely moved as the words fell softly.

Bela knew without a shadow of a doubt that he had not meant to speak aloud, and probably hadn't noticed doing so. She clenched her jaw, trying to fight the urge to insist on medical care. It was not her business to get involved in this problem, she had already done more than enough.

She retrieved the soft, velvet brown pouch from the carpeted floor and made for the door. There was a shuffling noise from behind.

"Wait! Please…wait." Dean's voice dropped. He waited for her to turn back before pleading earnestly. "Don't leave. I'm not a hundred percent and Sam - I can't let him down again. Please, I'll give you whatever you want if you'll just stick around long enough for me to make sure he's alright."

Both of her eyebrows raised in feigned interest. "Whatever I want? Well then, what did you have in mind? Babysitter duty or caregiver." The playful tone was automatic and Bela could have kicked herself when she saw Dean flinch and pale. "Sorry."

The Winchester cleared his throat. "What for?" He asked brusquely, hiding his sudden urge to vomit.

She knew that he would deny any explanation she might give that would expose his weakness so she simply shook her head and sighed.

"Sit back down, Dean, before you end up just like him." She motioned towards the unconscious form on the bed. "You're on the edge."

Dean retook his seat, and his face turned a bright shade of red as he, only then, realized his unruly attire. He quickly retreated into the bathroom returning a few minutes later looking markedly better. The drawn look and haunted eyes had yet to be fully veiled however and Bela felt her heart tug mercilessly, a feeling almost like caring. She shrugged it away, forcing herself to feel numb.

It was not her place to get attached. Not like this. Bonds created under these circumstances were dangerous, even more so when the people involved were as inept as the Winchester brothers.

"Why don't you try to get some sleep, you look like you could use it. I can keep watch." Bela said, taking a seat of her own on the other side of the bed.

Dean hesitated a moment before nodding. He knew that his body was run down emotionally and physically. He still didn't trust the woman, but he knew that he could not help Sam if he passed out from exhaustion.

"Wake me before he comes to." Dean instructed.

Bela nodded in agreement. A quite settled over the room that seemed strangely out of place in the woman's mind. How could such a silence exist after two lives had been so horribly altered. She swallowed hard. How many lives had she been responsible for changing in such a way? How many disloyal silences had she created during her many years as a scam artist and greedy hunter?

She combed a manicured hand through her brunette hair, deciding that it did not matter. Contemplating the past had never changed anything for her and she was not about to waste time with it now. Her cold eyes settled on the slowly rising and falling chest of Sam Winchester.


	4. Chapter 4

It was morning the next day before either man awoke. By that time Bela had to fight to keep her eyelids from drooping, causing the room to rock in and out of focus. She downed a couple cups of instant coffee that she had found stored near the bathroom.

During the night she had raided the Winchester's dirty old car and had found, to her complete surprise, some actually useful things in their trunk. Now a circle of salt enclosed the room, making the windows and doors inaccessible to demons. A necklace hung around her neck that would ward off any attempt a demon might make to possess her body. She was ready for anything, her gun reloaded and several extra clips slipped into the pocket of her coat.

Dean had started moaning and mumbling in his sleep at about midnight and it had continued into the morning. Several hours of hearing 'stop, don't hurt him' and muffled cries of 'please, stop, no' had left Bela's nerves frayed. Goosebumps formed on her arms when Sam shifted his large frame.

Her gun was at her side, finger on the trigger as she waited for his eyes to flutter open. When he was staring at her in confusion she let her sneer return full force.

"I see you've decided to join the land of the living, Sam." Her British accent was filled with disdain.

For some reason she could not fathom, Sam was receiving all the anger she felt towards the demon that had hurt Dean. Probably because the 'deed' had been done using the younger man's body. She bit her lip to keep from spouting hurtful words that would only serve to anger the confused looking young man.

"Bela? What are you doing here?" He asked with suspicion.

He searched the room frantically with his gaze and relaxed when he saw Dean sleeping peacefully on the bed next to him.

"What happened?" Sam asked the woman, eyeing the gun at her side.

She pocketed the weapon, keeping her finger on the trigger, and crossed her legs. "You don't remember?"

"No, but my whole body aches. Especially my back and I feel like I haven't slept in a month, although that's probably close to being true anyway, but I still don't feel like I think that I should..." Sam closed his mouth with a snap to stop his sleepy rambling. "You didn't answer my question."

Bela glared, unsympathetic. "I'll leave the talking to Dean. I'm just here as a bodyguard." She huffed. "It's not like my time is valuable or anything."

"Bodyguard? What?" Sam sat up, leaning over far enough to shake his brother in the opposite bed.

Dean's eyes flashed open and he jumped back several inches at the sight of Sam so close. He jerked away from his brother's hand and watched Sam warily.

"Sam? That you, brother?" Dean asked, trying a smile.

His younger brother nodded, a confused expression plastered across his face. "What the hell is going on guys? I don't remember a thing. You're scaring me, Dean. What happened?"

"Sorry." Dean's voice was rough as he studied his brother. "I just thought you'd…remember."

"What?" Sam was starting to get frustrated and it showed.

"You were possessed." Dean told him, trying to break the news gently. "What is the last thing you remember?"

Sam shook his head, his mouth suddenly dry. No wonder they were acting so strange. He swallowed hard, trying to force himself to remember what had happened. There was a blank slat in the slideshow of his mind soon overtaken by memories of their previous hunt.

"The poltergeist in Olympia, Washington." Sam answered slowly. "I know that something happened after that, but it's just a big empty blank right now."

Dean gritted his teeth. It was plain cruel of Fate to make his brother forget the painful memories. If there was one thing Dean knew for sure about painful memories, it was that they had a way of sneaking up on you and revealing themselves when you least expected it. If Sam did not remember the assault that day, he would later and Dean knew that when that happened their close brotherly relationship would be over for good.

"That was over a week ago, Sam." Dean revealed gravely. "Since then…we've salted and burned three corpses and dealt with a demon."

"Dean, you've got to tell me what's been happening." Sam's eyes were wide. "And why is Bela here?" He threw the woman a suspicious glare which she returned in full force.

The older Winchester brother averted his gaze. "That's an even longer story, but I'll leave that story for her, right sunshine?" Dean threw Bela a false bright smile.

"You owe me big time." She responded with a toss of her long hair over one shoulder.


	5. Chapter 5

Fear and disgust fought for reign as Dean tried to twist away from Sam's - no! The Demon's - unwelcome touches. The blond Hunter squeezed his eyes shut, begging his body not to respond to the feel of his brother' skin against his own. Dean's shallow breathing left him gasping as he tried valiantly to mask the sound. He did not want the Demon to think that he was enjoying it, because at the very moment of climax Dean wanted nothing more than to violently tear the evil entity to pieces. Sam was on the other side of this physical exchange and Dean prayed to the God he had never believed in that his brother was not conscious for any of this.

"Sam has always loved you, Dean. He wants this." The breathless, ecstatic voice so familiar, yet twisted, whispered airily in his ear. "He wants you."

Dean clenched his jaw and shook his head from side to side. He wanted to throw up, die and run away all at the same time. The strong body holding him to the bed kept him from doing any of them.

"Go to hell." He ground out.

"Been there, done that, got the T-shirt." Sam's chuckle was almost normal. "Maybe we can get a matching pair. How do you feel about a ride down under - the Earth, that is." The Demon laughed at his own dirty thoughts.

Dean was glad he was not privy to them. It took all his strength to fight against the pain, fear and humiliation long enough to shout at the top of his lungs, hoping that someone would hear him.

"Help! Help me! God, help!" If not human was within range or caring distance, perhaps the elusive creator of all things would hear the desperate cries.

Sam's mouth covered Dean's in a frantic spell of kisses that lasted far to long. Dean felt his chest getting tighter as his lungs begged for air, but still his captor refused to let up. A tongue forced its way into Dean's mouth and he gagged at the thought of his brother being inside of his mouth.

"Stop, please." He tried to beg, but the words came out as an indistinguishable muffled sound.

The Demon finally pulled back and Dean sucked in a deep breath of air. A satiated smile stretched across Sam's face and Dean realized with horror that the Demon inside his brother had come again. He tried to block out the knowledge. It sent a pain through his heart. How would he and Sam survive the aftermath of these moments, assuming they survived at all.

"Sam. God, Sam is enjoying this more than I am." The Demon lied through his teeth.

Dean tried to shut everything out, his body tense and waiting for a chance to escape should it ever arrive.

"Take me." Dean's voice shook as he weighed the truth in his next words. "I'll give you control willingly. Just, please, leave my brother. I'll do whatever you want, just stop this."

The Demon's grin widened. "Oh, you'll do whatever I want anyway."

____

"Please, stop. I'll give…..take me…..whatever you want. God, please stop this." Dean's nightmare fueled mumbles drew Bela's attention from the book on ancient protective spells she had 'borrowed' from the Impala trunk.

The rooms single lamp gave off a low light that fell across the faces of Sam and Dean Winchester, leaving behind a trail of shadows and revelation. Dean was curled on his side, hugging himself protectively even as more pleading fell between his lips on mutters and whimpers. Bela knew what had happened, the man had been raped by a demon in the body of his brother. There were the cold facts, but other than that she was entirely in the dark. How violent had it been and how long had it lasted - she had no idea. It was really none of her business as she tried to convince herself not to care. Dean was not the first victim of sexual assault she had met and would certainly not be the last. Hell, plenty of men had tried their hand at assaulting her. Bela's mouth tightened at the memories. Each and every one of those bastards had lost more than they had ever taken. A hard glint shone in her eyes.

Dean had promised her a reward for staying by their side, although why he was choosing to trust her the thief could not figure out. It was not as if their history had been consistent or civil. In fact, she was certain that Sam still wanted to shoot her for their earlier 'misunderstanding' with the Rabbits Foot.

Sam, her attention turned to him now as Dean quieted down. The younger man had been sleeping silently, a pleasant expression on his face. Bela wondered what he was dreaming about. Whatever it was seemed to actually be relaxing him further as time went on. A strange contradiction to the man sleeping less than three feet away.

_____

Sam saw himself standing between his father and older brother. It was a memory and he knew that, but a warm glow settled around him anyway as he let himself act through the dream of his first school dance.

The chaotic mess of the thing left him smiling, feeling nostalgic and yet revitalized. Sam wondered if he would ever have another normal experience.

Death. That was normal, everyone went through that.

It was a morbid thought interrupted by his sudden awakening. A hand was shaking his shoulder roughly.

"Get up, you great big idiot!" Bela was hissing in his ear. "The hotel manager is coming."

Sam bolted upright, his legs already swinging over the edge of the bed. He winced at the muscle pain this caused, but pushed up and started hurriedly gathering their things in a duffle. Every Hunter knew the nightmarish, unwanted scene that would unfold if the hotel manager was allowed to question them.

"Wake Dean." Sam ordered. "I'll pack the car."

"Hurry!" Bela whispered frantically, as if that would fool the manager into thinking they weren't there. "I saw him go into the room three doors down. It's only a matter of minutes now."

Bela had not always been rich and infamous so her heart was thudding in her chest at the idea of being caught after the check out time. She poked at Dean's shoulder, not wanting him to wake up from a violent dream and think her the enemy.

"Dean." She called aloud. "Wake up, the hotel manager is coming."

Dean's eyes snapped open, his gaze seeming fully alert. The word 'manager' had broken through his dream jolting him away.

"Run." The still half-asleep man said with real fear in his voice. "They're ruthless."

Bela nodded, humoring the exhaustion hazed words. "I know, so drag your ass out of bed and lets get out of here."

Dean nodded and let himself be lead out to the Impala where Sam was waiting behind the wheel. The fresh air hit Dean's face, waking him further. He shivered, feeling naked outside the salt filled hotel room. The thought of that condiment scattered all over inside got him scrambling faster. The last thing he needed was to be flayed alive by a hotel manager. A blush crept up his neck. That would be simply embarrassing.

Once inside the car, Dean turned to Sam. "Hit it." There would be no argument over 'right to drive' until later.

Sam obliged and it wasn't until a second later that Dean noticed the brunette girl sitting directly behind him. He turned to her, his brow furrowed.

"If you actually think we're going to let you stay with us, you're delusional."

Bela smirked. "You owe me and I plan to collect, in full." Her last words were accented with a smile bright enough to make Dean worry.

He really should have thought things over a little better. After all, she was Bela Talbot.


	6. Chapter 6

Bela let her hands slide over the soft fabric of the back seat, her feet as far away from the floor overloaded with discarded food wrappers and empty beer bottles as possible. The seats smelled like beer and stale sex. The thief felt a small bit of vomit try to work it's way up her throat.

"This car is a disgusting mess." She spoke her opinion loud enough to be heard above the engine's annoying roar. "Where are we headed, anyway?" She asked with disinterest.

"A friends." Dean answered shortly.

The older Winchester exchanged a glance with his brother, breaking eye contact too quickly. Dean gazed out the car window as the green scenery flashed past. He felt his chest tighten as panic gripped his heart. Sam would drive them to Bobby's house within the day and then what happened would be out of his hands. Their Hunter friend would be able to help - Bobby always knew how to get out of impossible situations. He was the universes fix-it-man sent to Earth by mistake.

"What was that thing you threw at Sam? The thing that got rid of the demon?" Dean asked, meeting Bela's eyes in the rearview mirror.

The woman shrugged her shoulders, pouting. "I'm not really sure. Something I…found on my last…hunt."

"You mean something you stole during your latest scheme?" Sam translated with sarcasm.

"Maybe. Doesn't matter. I don't know what it does. Really!" She added at their suspicious silence. "I heard it was worth a lot of money, that's all."

"Then how did you know to throw it at the demon?" Dean asked, not buying the woman's explanation.

Bela rolled her eyes in exasperation. "I was desperate. It was the only thing I had on me at the time. It had to do something to be worth so much."

"So, you threw something directly at me without having a clue what the side effects might be?" Sam asked, anger coloring his tone. "This is not earning you points, Bela."

The brunette smirked. "Doesn't matter, I've got a free pass. Dean here made sure of that."

Sam shot his brother a confused glare. "What is she talking about?"

Dean avoided his brother's gaze, shifting uncomfortably. "I might have promised to give her something if she stayed and helped us after the demon was gone - I wasn't exactly in top fighting shape if that thing decided to come back." He defended his decision, waving his hand in the air. "I was desperate."

"Fine, but I don't like it and the way I see it we don't owe her anything any way." Sam said, his grip tightening around the steering wheel turning his knuckles white. "After all, we saved her life. Now she's saved ours, we're equal."

"Oh, far from it boys." Bela argued. "I paid you for that ghost ship thing and I was promised. Don't tell me you two don't keep your word." She sounded scandalized.

"What do you want?" Sam asked through clenched teeth, he had a bad feeling about this whole situation. Owing Bela felt dangerous.

"I'm still deciding." Bela admitted with another shrug. "I'll let you know and until then I will be coming with you."

"Whoa, what?!" Dean closed his eyes against the vision of Bela screwing up every Hunt in the near future. He winced. "We can take care of ourselves now, thanks. Bobby is going to help us get back on our feet - he always does." He grimaced, he shouldn't have told her that. "Besides, he can probably tell us what that pouch thing did to my brother. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that his bullet holes didn't just up and vanish, that thing was involved."

The car swerved out of their lane and then back, Sam's face turning red with rage. "Bullet holes?" He asked, his voice raised and directed at Bela.

"Yes. The demon was trying to kill Dean and I had no other choice." Bela defended her action.

Dean ignored the concerned and guilty look that Sam flashed his way. Sam felt a little relieved at the knowledge because at least now he understood why Dean had been acting so strange all day, but at the same time it made him so sad to know that his body had been used to injure his best friend, his hero.

Dean Winchester studied the road, the yellow stripes of the lane divider coaxing him into a memory. A memory that he wished could be anything but true. He knew that sooner or later Sam's traumatized mind would release the memories and then the shit would hit the fan. Dean would give anything to stop that from happened. He had to talk with Bobby.

He couldn't tell Bobby.

The older man rubbed his forehead with a thumb, biting his lip. He couldn't tell anyone.


	7. Chapter 7

Sam sat up with a start. The young man looked around wildly, having heard a noise. At least, his well-honed Hunter skills were sending him alarms that said 'check out the weird noise' and he knew better than to ignore them. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood, wincing at the cool wood floor beneath his bare feet.

Bobby really had to invest in some carpeting upstairs, and curtains, and heaters. Sam started forward, he had only made it several steps when he heard a whimper from the room across the hall - Dean's room. He hurried faster, almost certain that it was a nightmare, but not wanting to take any chances. He tensed as he entered the dark, shadowed room. Moonlight sent shafts of illumination across Dean's face, revealing a semi-stoic expression. Even in sleep Dean tried to hide his fears.

___

Dean tried to shift away from the heavy body on top of him, pinning him to the bed. He struggled to get free from his invisible bonds. A tongue had just entered his ear and he refused to think about where it had come from. It was just a wet ear. . .not a tongue. Just a wet thing with no origin. Dean swallowed back a scream.

"He likes how you taste. I do too." The Demon said, the whisper sending hot air against Dean's face. The Hunter shuddered.

He felt numb and on fire at the same time, he was going to puke. This was his worst nightmare - anyone's worst nightmare. The Winchester clenched his fingers around the bed spread and tried to ignore his bodies reaction to the touches.

Sam must be dying inside, seeing all of this and unable to stop it. The older man new this was true and it killed him that he could not stop the pain. He was hurting his younger brother and neither of them could stop it. He began to weep.

____

Sam shook Dean's shoulder gently, his earlier concern turning to panicked fear. Tears were strolling down Dean's face, shimmering in the moonlight. His brother never cried, Dean never cried. Sam felt his breaths coming in short bursts. Fear quickened his heartbeat and it was all he could do not to call for Bobby.

Dean struggled against some unknown Demon, his face twisting in an expression Sam had never seen before.

"Dean! Dean, wake up, dude! Dean!" The frantic whispers cut through the rooms silence like a surgical implement.

The older man's green eyes flashed open, his mouth opening wide to suck in a large gulp of air. He stared at the ceiling for several frozen moments before looking over at Sam and blinking in shock. He pulled away from the younger man's arm, slipping it off his shoulder.

"Sammy?" Dean asked as if to make sure that the Demon was really gone.

Sam felt his heart break a little more at how uncertain and vulnerable his brother's tone had become. Nightmares normally did not affect the older man so badly. What had that Demon done to his brother. Sam wanted to kill the evil spawn of Lucifer with his own bare hands, but right now it was Dean that mattered.

"It's alright, Dean. It was just a dream." Sam used the same voice their father had so many years before when they would wake crying from a nightmare. "Just a dream."

Sam put a hand on Dean's jean covered knee and bit down hard on his tongue to keep from wincing when his brother moved away from the touch. The Demon had obviously hurt and possibly tortured Dean. With Sam's own body. It was a horrible truth to swallow.

"Whatever happened while I was possessed, Dean, I'm sorry." Sam said, his words choked. "I should have been more alert and then this never would have happened."

"No." Dean said forcefully, looking his brother in the eyes with a fiery stare. "Don't ever think that. None of this was your fault. It's mine." He broke off eye contact then. "It's my job to protect you. If anyone should be apologizing it's me."

Dean looked down at his hands. Sam felt anger at his brother's constant self-sacrificing. He knew who was to blame and who wasn't no matter what Dean might have to say on the matter.

____

Bela watched from a corner in the hall, having been awakened by the noises of Dean's nightmare. She felt a longing to join them, to share in that kind of sibling bond that had never been hers to have. Her throat closed up painfully and she swallowed.

Sam was getting up to return to his room, Bela ducked behind the corner and slipped back into the room Bobby had lent her - she would pay him back of course, owing people was not her style. It was hard to see the brothers so broken. So many people throughout her life had been shattered shells of their former selves and yet, somehow, she never thought that the Winchesters were capable of being broken.

Her realities were beginning to change with every passing moment in their presence. For now, she was content to let that happen. It was curious, new and exciting.

For now anyway.


	8. Chapter 8

Bobby flipped a pancake in the air, catching it expertly in his old frying skillet. The steam coming off the breakfast food was mouth-watering and it did not take long for all three of the hunter's guests to dribble into the room. Bela blinked at them all through bleary, sleep-filled eyes and Dean could not help but laugh at her bed head.

"So, I guess you really are human." Dean said in mock surprise.

Bela glared. "Wait until I've had some coffee, then I'll have a proper response to that."

Sam took a seat at the table, laying his head against his hands, eyes closed. "I - thought you Brits were into the tea thing." He said through a wide yawn.

"I hate that stuff. Not enough caffeine." The woman replied caustically.

"Well, excuse me-e-e." Sam waved a hand in the air to accompany his sarcastic tone.

Bobby rolled his eyes to the ceiling, stirring a pan of scrambled eggs. The man had no idea how he was going to put up with these three if they chose to stay long term. It was bad enough that Bela was there, but there was something off with Dean - he would have to talk to the boy about it before long. There could be no secrets between them if Bobby was going to help Sam.

Once everyone had eaten, a drank at least a cup of coffee, they sat around the kitchen table in silence. Bobby knew it was time to tell them what he had learned after a late night of studying.

"I found something out about that pouch of yours. There's not more lore on it, but what there is…well it's pretty amazing." Bobby shook his head. "The consistent story revolves around a fallen angel sent by god to save a lost soul. I'm not sure exactly what is IN the pouch - none of the books could name it - but there were side affects that were listed."

"Let me guess, they matched mine." Sam interrupted.

"Yes. The fallen angel used the contents of the pouch to kill the demon, permanently, and restore the host body to it's previous health. Entirely. That includes mentally. The human had no memories of the tortures committed by the demon and no physical scars."

"That's what happened to Sammy alright. Why haven't we heard of this stuff before?" Dean asked dryly. "We sure could have used it."

"It was believed to be destroyed or out of power. Something. The books aren't quite sure." Bobby motioned towards Bela with one hand. "It's probably out of juice now if everything you told me is true."

"Damn. Too bad." Dean slapped his palm against the table. "Do you know if there's any more of this magic dust?"

"No. Only the one legend." Bobby answered with a shrug. "But who really knows. This is some pretty ancient lore we're talking about."

Dean scrunched up one side of his face as he thought this through. "Bobby, you said all this voodoo stuff revolves around an angel that fell…by gods order? Are we going to believe that? I mean, angel? That's pretty far out there."

"Hey, I've seen weirder things than that." Bobby said, failing to elaborate.

Bela shifted in her chair, itching to move forward. She felt a sting of regret knowing now what a priceless artifact she had sacrificed. She bit the corner of her lip.

"How long are you boys planning on staying?" Bobby asked, shooting Bela a sideways look without including her in the question.

Dean rubbed a hand over his eyes and exhaled heavily. "I'm not sure. Another day at least, it really depends on if we find us another hunt sooner rather than later."

"Oh, joy." Bela spoke up, her voice flat. "A hunt."

"Nobody's forcing you to stay here." Sam pointed out. "Tell us what you want and you can be on your way…or you can just leave."

"I, for one, don't know exactly what kind of compensation you boys have to offer and I have serious doubts that you're competent enough to recognize a good steal when you've got it. I'm staying until I see something worth your life." She looked at Sam. "Because that is what I saved."

"You need to stop with that arrogant bullshit." Bobby told the woman matter-of-factly. "After all the things these boys have done, they deserve to be cut a break. They've saved your life before."

"Heard about that, have you?" Bela asked with a frown. "Well…." Her voice trailed off as she failed to find a proper excuse in her mental arsenal. "I'm complicated."

"To put it mildly." Dean agreed, taking a sip of his cold coffee. "Sam, why don't you go see if there's anything hopeful on the news waves, me and Sunshine here are going to go stock up the Impala."

Bela grudgingly followed Dean outside as Sam and Bobby got to work looking for possible leads for a new hunt. Outside the cool air was off set by warm sunlight making the shadowed porch chilly. The Impala shone darkly in the front yard where she sat on the grass.

"I hope you know what you're doing." Bela was not even sure she should have spoken up, but her heart was heavy with a responsibility she did not know how to dislodge. She didn't look at Dean, giving him an out should he choose to ignore her words.

"I know." He replied grimly. "Going into a hunt or anything else while still this messed up…I want you to stay."

Bela wanted to shake her head, demand some money and run like hell. She didn't. Something compelled her to turn to him, meet his brilliant green eyes and change her mind.

"Give me time to think about it." She answered.

Dean cleared his throat as he threw open the back door behind the driver's seat. "Don't tell Sam."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Her threatening tone was more automatic than intentional. "Your fee just doubled."

Dean winced, but he had been expecting that and was ready to cough up whatever she planned to take from them. It was important that he know someone could look after Sam - or at least keep him alive - should the hunt turn south. Dean knew for certain that he could not be relied on, the flashbacks, guilt and horror were getting worse by the hour and he was almost certain he was suffering from shock and PTSD.


	9. Chapter 9

Dean stood outside the two story house, his eyes squinting against the early day light shinning from the horizon. He stood, hands deep in his pockets, shoulders hunched up. He felt an emptiness inside of him surrounded by the anxiety he refused to acknowledge for the moment. The cool air seemed to clear his mind a little and he smiled fondly at the sight of the junkyard beyond the house. He remembered hours spent out there fixing up his dad's car even before the accident that almost destroyed the Impala.

Sam was inside looking for another hunt, as if they needed one again so soon. Dean knew that it was his idea to find the next monster, but it had been more selfish than charitable. He needed time to cope with what had happened. There had to be some way to put it behind him. This was the first time in Deans life that he thought maybe, maybe there was no way to go forward.

Sam had such expressive eyes and his face was like an open book. Dean knew that his younger brother was worried about him, but that hurt even worse than the fact that Sam did not know what had happen. Dean could not shake the fact that he had been raped by his brother's body. There was no escaping the images and fear.

The demon had gotten the result it wanted. Dean Winchester - hunter, brother and friend - reduced to a mess of nerves and anxiety. At least in this moment, outside in the cool day, he could pretend that it had been nothing but a bad dream. A dream that he visited every night. Dean hung his head, his eyes closing against the reality of it all.

"You look like you need to talk." Bobby said from where he had come to stand on the covered porch.

Dean opened his eyes, but didn't look back over his shoulder. He had felt the man's presence, but had not been ready to talk. He still didn't feel ready although they both knew there wasn't a choice. This wasn't something Dean could ignore and somehow Bobby had known the man had to get it out. Put the horror into words.

"That demon did something to you, didn't it." Bobby asked.

Bobby Singer had pretended to be many things over the years out of necessity, but he had never and would never be able to play the part of a therapist. No, he wasn't there to tell Dean how to fix the problem - whatever that might be - instead he wanted to be the best friend he could. Listening like the John Winchester both men had known so well. Dean was facing away from Bobby, but the older man could see his shoulder's shaking as sobs escaped silently through clenched teeth.

"I couldn't save him…I couldn't save me." Dean spoke finally, his voice choked with pure regret. "The demon it. It." Dean turned then and cast his gaze on the house to be sure that Sam was not near any windows. The hunter walked a few feet closer to the porch so that he could speak in a lower tone. "It raped me Bobby."

The bearded hunter felt the blood rush from his face, a dark hole forming in his stomach seeming to suck all the life out of him. He felt cold inside and scared. How could he help Dean through something like this - how could this have happened? He blinked his blue eyes, speechless for a moment.

"I know." He answered finally, his voice gentle and matter-of-fact. This response surprised him, but he felt that it was absolutely true. The looks Dean had been giving Sam, the fact that he had shied away from the other man's presence and something else. Something unspoken and unconscious. "I am so sorry, Dean."

Dean relaxed his tense shoulders, tears streaming down his face in relief. He had expected anything but this calm acceptance. He had wanted Bobby to be angry with him - the same way he had felt about himself the last few days. He had expected to see his friend's composure change, maybe even firm denial. None of that had happened and a warmth flooded over Dean's heart at knowing that his friend understood.

"I couldn't stop him - it, I couldn't stop it." The blond haired man knew that he needed to start separating his brother from what had happened. It was harder than he had thought it would be and it took all of his strength to shrug off the picture of Sam and attribute the actions to only the demon. "I can't…" He looked up at Bobby, green eyes pleading for help. "I can't stop thinking about it, being scared of him. I can't forget."

Bobby started forward, but kept a distance between them, not wanting to spook the distraught man. His chin quivered with emotion when he spoke.

"You're not going to forget, son. It's something you're going to have to work through. I know it seems impossible, but you're strong. I know that Sam would not want to see you hurting like this."

"That's just it." Dean said, his voice this with repressed sobs. "I hurt him too. I wasn't the only one that demon hurt. I can't forget the look in his eyes, knowing that he was seeing the whole thing. I keep waiting…for him to remember."

Bobby now understood just how scared Dean must be feeling. He wanted to take the man into a tight embrace and promise that everything would be okay. The older man knew better. Life didn't work like a mid-morning tv movie.

"He never will remember, Dean. The pouch - I'm sure it completely erased his memories of the event. What you're dealing with. It's up to you if you want to tell him, but I think it would help if he understood."

"No! No, that would be worse than if he found out on his own." Dean shook his head violently. "I can't say those words, not to Sammy. Not Sammy." The man broke down into loud cries which he tried to muffle behind his hand. Sam couldn't hear him, couldn't see him like this, a broken man.

Bobby could not resist the urge to comfort any longer and he met Dean's shuddering body with a firm hug. He held the young man close, wishing for the thousandth time that he could turn back the clock and make the Winchester's a different life. A life free of pain and fear and betrayal.

"I'm so sorry, Dean. I'm not good at this kind of thing." The old man said, patting Dean's back awkwardly. "I can only be here for you and try to help you carry this burden."

"It's so heavy." Dean gasped out between sobs. "I can't go through each day with this in my head. I can't do it, Bobby. I'm not strong enough."

Bobby pulled back, holding Dean at arms length so that he could look into those weary green eyes. "Hogswash. You are the strongest man that I know. I am proud of you and all the things that you've done. This is NOT going to define you, do you understand. Neither of us are going to let that happen. Are we?" There was a question in the statement.

Dean pulled in a deep breath and let it out slowly, forcing his tears to a stop. He wiped them away and nodded, biting his lip.

"You can stay here as long as you need to, but…I understand that you want things to return to normal…they aren't going to though. Not until you've worked through this and even then it might take some time. So, if you go on this hunt Sam is trying to find remember that I'm only a phone call away."

Dean nodded, giving Bobby's shoulder a quick squeeze before pulling away from the older man. "Thanks, Bobby."

Talking had helped to loosen the taunt nerves and Dean felt almost normal since the whole thing had begun. He looked back at the horizon which was now glowing brightly as the sun left on it's journey through the sky. Dean knew things would be okay then. Different, scary and new but ultimately alright.

____

Bella sat next to Sam, both were at the kitchen table reading local newspapers. The internet was their second choice having found that paper editions generally were easier to go through quickly.

"Do you know what that demon did to Dean?" Sam spoke up suddenly, not looking over at the woman. He needed to know.

Bela shot him a wide-eyed look of confusion which he ignored. "I don't know what you're talking about." She felt uncomfortable even thinking about it. "No. I have no idea."

Sam turned his gaze to her then, his green eyes penetrating. "I think you're lying."

"Well, I'm not." Bela replied with a sneer, straightening her newspaper article so that it covered her face. "Why don't you worry on finding a menace to fight instead of playing twenty questions with me."

"I have found a menace." Sam said pointedly. Bela ignored the barb.

Silence filled the room for several long seconds, tension mounting. Sam knew that he had to find out and he also was certain that the woman knew the truth. She had been looking at Dean with strange, unreadable expressions. It worried Sam. How badly had he hurt his brother? He shivered.


	10. Chapter 10

Sam stalked down the upstairs hallway towards Dean's temporary room, his brow was furrowed and dark circles turned his green eyes into bright daggers of color. It had been another day in Wonderland - everything distorted. Dean jumped at every little noise and Sam had caught his brother looking at him several times from across the room. It had become unnerving and he would demand an explanation.

Dean had to talk about whatever had happened otherwise Sam would go crazy. Guilt was a vaporous thing that threatened to disappear or overwhelm him at any moment. His older brother had always been a man who could deal with whatever life could throw at him. The demon must have done something truly heinous.

The door was open so Sam peeked inside before entering. Dean sat on the bed, staring blankly at the far wall, a dead look in his eyes. He looked up as soon as he noticed Sam was standing there and tried to smile nonchalantly.

"Hey, Sam." Dean greeted him with forced cheerfulness.

"Cut the crap. I know that we can dance around this for months and I'm not going to let it go that far." Sam said, clearly drawing a line. "I need to know what happened. Not the sugar coated edition that you probably pushed on Bobby. I need to know the truth - I have a right to know. As your brother and as the host of that demon."

Dean flinched at the mention of the demon and Sam's lips pressed into thin lines. If it was the last thing he did, Sam would see his brother healed from whatever inner torment kept the older Winchester haunted. Sam stepped into the room and shut the door, leaning his back against it. They were alone and he would get answers if he had to force them out of his brother with some well-placed guilt.

"Dean." Sam prompted.

The blond man bit his lip, his eyes brimming with tears which he tried desperately to ignore. The burning behind his eyes drown out the tightness in his chest and throat. How could he tell Sammy the truth. It would break his heart and they would be over. Their friendship ruined by actions out of either of their control. Dean was terrified, his heart pounding in his chest.

"I don't know how to tell you, Sammy. What that demon did." Tears streaked down Dean's face before he could stop them. He sniffed, swiping a hand over his eyes. "It - It. God, Sam!" A sob broke through his defenses and shook the man's frame.

Sam was at his side in a moment, kneeling next to him. "Dean." He reached forward but Dean pulled back with a terrified gasp. "I wouldn't hurt you. Ever." Sam said, trying to remain calm. "Please, let me help you."

"That's the thing, Sammy." Dean let out a hysterical laugh. "Your what I'm scared of. How can you fix that? How, huh?"

"I don't know." Sam responded honestly. "But I'm not going to give you up without a fight."

"You say that now." Dean hung his head. "Wait until you know what it is that I have done."

"You didn't do anything." Sam put a hand on the bed next to his brothers, being careful not to touch the other man. "It was all the demon."

Dean shook his head, too choked up to speak.

Sam let his heart do the talking. "I will never stop admiring you or stop looking up to you. No matter what. I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep." Dean sobbed, his facial muscles twitching from raw emotion. "Please, just leave it. You don't want to know."

"Tell me."

Sam waited patiently. He knew that this was it, his brother would tell him what had happened or he would remain silent forever. The quiet stretched out between them filled only with the sound of Dean's uncontrolled breathing. Tears were still falling, eyes still deadened. Dean knew that this was it. He took a deep breath, held it in and then with what was left of his courage blurted out the truth in five short words.

"The demon raped me, Sam."

Sam blinked, his mind unable to process what he had just heard. He stared at Dean who refused to meet his gaze. The silence returned as Sam grappled with his equilibrium. The world had suddenly shifted on it's axis and Sam felt like he was going to fall off into dark, cold space. Without thinking, Sam latched onto Dean's arm not willing to let go for even a moment. He had to hold on to or he would fall apart.

"He…" It was the first word Sam could force through his throat. "He…How?"

Dean gave him an 'do I REALLY have to explain that to you' look that caused the younger man to blush profusely.

"I - I mean, was it…me?" Sam asked the question in a horrified stutter.

"It was the demon." Dean confirmed in a hard tone.

"I'm so sorry, Dean." Sam felt his own eyes dampen and felt his eye begin to twitch. This was not what he had been expecting. Torture, pain and twisted words he had been ready for but not rape. He could not comprehend what his brother had been through.

"Don't apologize." Dean said firmly. "It wasn't you. The demon was in control."

"But you're scared of me. I can see it."

Dean cleared his throat and wiped away more tears. "That's not your fault. I'll get over it soon…just, I can't. There's no way for me to stop seeing HIM when I look at you."

Sam's vision tunneled, the edged going gray. He wanted to puke or tear something apart with his bare hands. How could fate be this cruel? Dean had spent his entire life saving others and this was the thanks he received. Sam felt anger burn deep inside of him. He turned a flashing gaze on his brother.

"We are going to make it through this, I'm not going to let you give in to this fear." Sam promised. "I don't care if it takes a year - we are going to work through this together."

Dean shot him a shocked look. "You mean you don't hate me?"

Sam clenched his jaw at the genuine surprise written across his brother's face. "Of course not. Don't get me wrong, I want to kill the demon that did this too you, but, I don't remember it Dean. It isn't going to affect me the same way it is you. I could never hate you even if I hadn't lost my memory."

"Then…how do we do this?" Dean asked earnestly. "Moving forward isn't going to be easy. I mean, sitting next to you is hard. I was anti-social enough before this happened."

Sam smiled shortly at the attempted humor and then his smile died. "One day at a time, Dean. One day at a time."

Feeling that he shouldn't keep any more secrets Dean looked at his hands. "I asked Bela to stay until I was feeling better."

"God! Why?" Sam ask incredulously.

Dean shrugged wearily. "Sounded like a good idea at the time. I didn't plan on telling you any of this you see and I thought that we might need her help on the hunt and…yeah."

Sam studied his brother. "We've always got Bobby. He wouldn't let anything happen to us." Sam paled and quickly added. "As long as we can get ahold of him. Besides, after what you just said do you seriously think I'd let you get anywhere near a hunt?"

"Guess not." Dean said sheepishly. "So, what now?"

Sam rocked back on his heels. "Now, we find a support group, get ourselves informed and work through this. Or we could just weather through. It's really up to you, Dean. We'll work at your pace."

"Bobby knows." Dean said suddenly, remembering that morning's emotional talk on the porch.

Sam stood to his feet, brushing wrinkles out of his shirt. He looked at his watch and grimaced. His brother looked exhausted after their long, heart-to-heart talk and he felt it time to leave Dean alone. His brother always did like to work through things alone, still Sam would be keeping a sharp eye on him in the weeks to come.

"I'll let you get some sleep." With one last look at Dean, the dark haired man made his exit from the room.

____

Dean sat in deep contemplation long after it grew dark outside. Sam had not turned him away even after learning what had happened. That was encouraging, but it didn't change the fact that Dean could not yet distinguish in his mind the body of his brother and the actions of the demon.

There would be time to give up later, for now Dean was determined to find a way out of the fear and unease. The horror.


	11. Chapter 11

Dean glanced over at his brother and then returned his attention to the road before them. He was driving the Impala towards their newest hunt several states away. His insides clenched at the idea of being alone with Sam that night…in a hotel room. He tried to even his breathing and quail the panic before it could fully manifest. He knew in his head that Sam would not harm him, ever, but his gut promised torture and scenes of rape if he let Sam get too close.

Dean's hands gripped the wheel so tightly his knuckles began to turn white. Sam noticed the tension that filled the cab, but did not know how best to dissipate it. He knew that Dean was dealing with a lot emotionally and that was a scary thing for Sam to let himself think about. Dean was suppose to be the strong brother, the one that was never phased. This Dean was different - almost fragile - and it frightened the younger Winchester.

"So, what did the paper say again? All the details." Dean said to break the silence.

Sam looked sideways at his brother, but didn't mention that this was the third time Dean had asked the exact same question. It was obvious that the blond haired man needed to keep talking. Sam was familiar with that tactic, their father had perfected it over the years. Talking absently about arbitrary subject or repeating already garnered knowledge in an attempt to lighten or at least soften the mood. Sam ran a hand over his mouth.

"Port Orchard, Washington. There is a report of several neighborhoods experiencing strange occurrences." He picked up the pertinent news clippings and read through them even though by then he had memorized the information. "Lights turning on and off, power surges, strange voices in the walls and even a few manifestations in the streets. Multiple sightings. It looks like a lot of national coverage has been written about this, Dean. We should expect some quack psychics to be there as well. It's going to be a tricky hunt."

"Good." Dean said firmly. "I could use the distraction."

Sam bit his lip, not wanting to question his brother's motives. He sighed and closed his eyes. "Are you sure this is a good idea, dude? I mean, we aren't exactly a hundred percent." He knew it needed to be said.

Dean ground his teeth together. "I'm sure." He replied. "By the way, Bobby suggested something to me that I think we should look into."

"Yeah?" Sam asked.

"Yeah." Dean nodded. "He thought it would be a good idea to get symbols tattooed that would make it impossible for demons to possess our bodies. Kinda like the charm necklaces, only permanent."

"Did he have something specific in mind?"

"Give me a second." Dean fumbled in his jean pocket and pulled out a crumpled napkin. He tossed it in his brother's direction. "That's what he found."

Sam looked down at the hastily scrawled picture that looked like a star. He recognized it almost immediately.

"Good thinking on his part."

"Yeah, that's what I said." Dean smiled grimly. "A little late though. We could have used this a week ago."

Sam's hand fisted over the napkin. "No one could have anticipated that, Dean."

"No. But. I wish we had." Dean spit out the words bitterly.

"Me too." Sam said in contrasting sadness.

The dark haired young man hung his head, feeling the tears threatening to reappear. He knew that Dean was trying his hardest not to lose it, but at the same time Sam felt a need to be reassured by his older brother. He wasn't used to being the only one holding their duo together. He blew out a long breath of air.

"I think that we should prepare for what this hunt may lead to." Sam said, changing the subject. "The media is going to be insane."

Dean shrugged. "We've been there before."

"Not like this. Oprah caught a whiff of the news if my sources are to be believed."

Dean smirked. "Your 'sources' wouldn't happen to be those stupid paranormal forums you're so attached to would they?"

Sam shifted uncomfortably at being so accurately pegged. "We get a lot of good information from them." He defended. "Besides, maybe we should start with something that might not be related to demons or worse."

Dean swallowed hard at the mention of demons - he felt phantom hands moving all over his body, possessive in more ways than one. He shivered.

"So, Bela sure took the wind out of our sails with those demands." Dean said, changing the subject again.

Sam raised an eyebrow. "You did promise her 'whatever' she wanted, Dean." He reminded the blond haired man.

Dean cleared his throat. "Yeah, well. I didn't think she'd go for that."

"She's Bela." Sam said, enunciating her name clearly. "She lives to torture us."

"I guess so. I just thought…never mind. I should have expected her to go after it."

"It's not like we could really use that sycth right about now." He muttered. "It was pure iron and salt. Nothing but poltergeist destroying, bad ass weaponry."

"How did she even know we had that thing? I had almost forgotten." Dean admitted a bit sheepishly. "We've kept it hidden under everything in the trunk for so long, just waiting for the right time to pull it out."

"Guess that times not going to come now." Sam sighed. "Oh, well."

"At least she's gone now." Dean added, trying to brighten the mood. "That's one less headache."

Sam gave a couple of forced chuckles. "Right." There was a brief moment of silence. "So. I guess we're alright now?" He asked nonchalantly, trying not to betray his harshly beating heart. The last few moments of levity had almost made it seem like they were back to normal.


End file.
